It was in the late 90s. I started attending a church called the World Mission Society of the Church of God after being approached by two women who offered to share the Bible with me. I loved the Bible so much that I didn't miss a single day and went to church every day, like going to work. One day, after three months of this, the pastor and his wife called me into their office. The pastor asked me if I wanted to receive a blessing from God, and I said yes. The pastor told me that the best way to receive a blessing from God is to give God the money needed to build God's temple, which is called a temple building offering, and that God is most pleased and gives great blessings. As soon as I heard that, I canceled my savings and insurance, asked to withdraw a portion of the charter deposit, and went to the pastor with 10 million won as an offering for the temple without my husband's knowledge. The pastor was delighted and called Ms. Jang Gil-ja, aka "Mother God," who put him in touch with me, and she asked me to receive a blessing.

Even after I paid 10 million won in offerings, they continued to force me to give under various names, claiming that God would be pleased and blessed. In particular, on Jang Gil-ja's birthday, they blatantly demanded money by handing me a white envelope. I even canceled my child's savings account to make an offering, saying it was only once a year. A few months later, we moved and my husband, who knew I was saving money, started to get suspicious when he realized the discrepancy between the amount I had planned, and whenever he got suspicious, I would make excuses and our arguments became more frequent.

Then, out of the blue, my church contacted me to prepare emergency supplies. This was in 1999. They said that on January 1, 2000, everything was going to blow up because of Y2K and the world was going to end. They even gave us a list of specific emergency supplies (sleeping bags, water, military rations, flashlights, batteries, radios, walkie-talkies, flour, chocolate, candles, plastic, matches, canned goods, rain gear, tissues, masks or gas masks, first aid supplies, bicycles, dry bread, heavy clothing, socks, etc.) and told us to hurry up and get ready. Families were given specific instructions on how to take full responsibility if they were caught preparing supplies, and were told to make the excuse that the community center had instructed them to prepare supplies to protect residents. At that time, I started to go around the city, including Cheonggyecheon and Namdaemun, to buy emergency supplies for Y2K. I bought all the things they told me to prepare, but they were too bulky. I bought two big rubber bins to hide them from my husband, put the emergency supplies in them, closed the lid and put them in storage, hid the bottled water under the stairs on the third floor, and waited for January 1, 2000, thinking that it was really the last time.

On the last day of December 1999, I didn't sleep a wink, and on January 1, 2000, the New Year came, but nothing happened. A month passed, and there was no catastrophe, let alone Y2K. The people in the church started to get anxious, and some even left the church. Then Mr. Zhang told me that the apocalypse had not come because he still had family to find. He made the excuse that we had not yet been transformed into people worthy in God's eyes. Some time later, when my husband suspected that I had taken money from the rental deposit and donated it to the church, he saw the emergency supplies. He couldn't take it anymore and started arguing with me, asking what these supplies were, and became increasingly suspicious. I told him that we were told at the community center that the world might end because of Y2K and that we were told to be prepared, but he didn't believe me and the argument started to escalate, keeping me up at night, asking me where I spent the money, what the emergency supplies were, telling me I was crazy, and even slapping me.

Unable to bear it, I contacted my pastor, who told me to leave the house after consulting with Mr. Zhang. The pastor told me not to bring the child out because he might be a burden, so I packed a few clothes and left the house. The system in Mr. Zhang's church is that the pastor of each church reports to Mr. Zhang every day, and the pastor cannot make decisions on his own. Everything is done after consulting with Mr. Zhang. The pastor contacted a nearby church to save the house of a sister who lives alone and told her to stay for a while, not to enter the house until her husband called for help. My husband eventually asked for a divorce, and the church told me that if I backed down now, I would forever be his servant and not go to heaven. They also told me to never give in, saying that it would be a victory of faith for me to get a divorce so that my child and husband could be saved.

*Let your husband raise the child.

*Don't bring the child because they are a burden and can't participate in church activities.

*When the child is older, he/she will come to visit his/her mother.

If you want to see the child until then, you have to wait.

*If you do what your husband tells you to do, you will be dragged around forever, become a servant of the devil, and eventually go to hell unsaved.

This is what Mr. Zhang's church taught me. I thought that doing what Mr. Zhang's church taught me was faith, so I gave custody to my husband and got a divorce.From then on, I started serving in the church, thinking that doing whatever they told me was faith and the way my husband, child, and I would be saved: evangelizing, cleaning the temple, serving in the cafeteria, serving infants, counseling families, going to the sister who didn't pay her tithe, collecting tithes, etc. I became their minion and did what they told me to do, thinking it was the way to be saved. After a while, my husband filed a lawsuit again, demanding that I give up my parental rights. I showed the complaint to my pastor, who told me to report to Mr. Zhang and file a lawsuit. When I told him that I couldn't do that as a mother, he scared me again, saying, "You can't be saved because you don't have faith," and "If you say such weak things, not only you but your child will go to hell." I hadn't done anything good for my child, and the thought of making him go to court broke my heart so much that I could only cry, but the only way for him and me to be saved was to do what the church said.

Eventually, the case went to trial and I became the worst mom in the world for taking my child to court. After losing all rights, custody, and visitation to my child, I couldn't even think about the hurt I had caused him, but I knew that all I needed to save him was my faith in Mr. Zhang. He comforted me that everything is God's will and that he gives us trials to bring us greater blessings, even as he breaks the vicious circle. Translated with He comforted me by telling me that it was God's way of using you for a greater purpose. He told me that I should be grateful to God because it was all God's love. I also gave all the money I had and gave a thanksgiving offering because I believed and practiced what I preached, and I knew that God would use me for greater things.

Since then, he has appeared in every courtroom where the lawsuit is ongoing or has been filed, setting the tone. When the custody case resumed, my pastor told me about a secret place where Jang Gil-jah was operating and wrote down a phone number, telling me to keep it secret. When I called, the person who answered the phone said it was Evangelist Gu00, who came right away in a bongo car, picked me up, and began to test my faith in the car to see if I could keep the secret. At the time, I believed this was the true church, so I was ready to do whatever he asked. An evangelist who had been observing me closely told me where they lived and asked me to visit them. This department is like a special team secretly run by Mr. Zhang. At that time, Mr. Zhang personally took care of this department and made sure they were fed, clothed, and had everything they needed. The members of this department are all women, most of whom have been or are in the process of being divorced due to conflicts with their unbelieving husbands and families. It's a 2-3 minute walk from Yangjae Station and occupies a whole house in a multi-family villa. This is the home that Ms. Zhang secretly arranged for the Special Team (an organization of divorced women) and the collective residence of the divorced women who are litigating to get a divorce. In other words, it's the department that oversees all the divorced women who have been divorced or are in the process of getting a divorce.

All they do is file a lawsuit and, of course, pay 100% of the legal costs themselves. If you want to drop the lawsuit because you feel sorry for your child, you are brainwashed into thinking that if you do not file a lawsuit, you are covering the glory of God and you do not have faith, and if you file a lawsuit, you have faith but do not cover the glory of God. Once you start a case, you cannot stop it. You have to believe it and see it through to the end. And when you're divorced, you're involved in everything: lawsuits, press conferences, rallies. You're doing all the dirty work, so to speak, and that's what happened to me. Even during the divorce proceedings, if there was a meeting, he called me. They turn motherly love for her child into hatred, turning her back on the world and teaching her child's salvation depends on what her mother does. Most of the women who are mobilized for press conferences and rallies featuring Jeong are divorced women and are used as activists and cannon fodder. But they believe this is their belief and this is the way to save my child. It is Zahng Gil-jah who is instigating these women.

In 2010 I got another emergency call. I was in Gangwon-do, and I was told to leave everything behind and gather at a church because the end of the world would soon come if North Korea invaded. When we gathered at church, we were again instructed to prepare emergency supplies and wait. This time, I heard that it was a report from a high-ranking official who is familiar with the situation in North Korea. Thinking that it was really the end of the world, I held my breath and listened to Zahng Gil-ja's words. A week passed, then two weeks passed, but nothing happened. Some people quit their jobs, some people got fired for not attending an important seminar, and nothing happened. They say that we have families that we haven't met yet and that all church members can't go to heaven because they can't unite. They tried to trick us again. And as time passed and 2012 approached, they once again declared the end of the world. Now, according to the prophecy of the Bible, they say that the end is certain, and quote the words, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." In other words, if you have a lot of money, you don't have faith, and if you don't have money, you have faith. Since this world is no more, give all your possessions to God and lay up your blessings in heaven. People began to believe that this was their last chance to accumulate blessings in heaven.

Those who had houses sold them and gave them away, and those who were renting took out their deposits, gave them away, and moved to rent; I also took out my deposit, made an offering, and moved to rent. I organized everything, thinking that it was really the last time. From those who did not send their children to school to those who quit their jobs, everyone gave up their livelihoods, organized everything on this land, gave everything to Mr. Jang Gil-jah, and waited for his orders. He said that 2012 was the last year, and he did not even produce the calendars that he had produced and handed out every year.

But when 2012 passed safely and 2013 came around, Mr. Zhang panicked and asked me to wait a little longer. But a month passed, two months passed, and nothing happened. So 2013 began, and the feeling of betrayal was indescribable. When the congregation became agitated, Mr. Zhang said that he would conduct a quasi-examination of the congregation. The purpose of the quasi-examination is that those who are not ready for heaven cannot go to heaven and must wait, so Mr. Zhang will personally conduct a quasi-examination of the saints, one by one, to speed up the day they will go to heaven.

He then tricked the congregation by handing out questionnaires to each member and telling them to fill them out and report back. Since 2013, three to four church buildings have been built and dedicated every month. Mr. Zhang's group, who said the end of the world would come soon, is only focused on expanding the temple and building more church buildings. I can't tell you how much I feel betrayed by Mr. Zhang, who tells lies every time he opens his mouth, and I don't want to be close to them again.

Even though I ache to see my child, who is now more than 20 years old and a young adult, I watch from afar, wondering what right I have to step in front of him when he needs a mother's touch. How can I ever repay my child for what I have done to him? I am an unworthy mother, but I want to ask for forgiveness now. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...

I feel so pathetic that I gave everything to Mr. Zhang at this age and am living on rent, and I want to completely erase my time there from my memory. I hate myself for being so helpless to do anything about Mr. Zhang and his gang who stole my life, my youth, and my entire fortune. I would like to ask once again whether the cruelty and anti-human behavior of Jang Gil-jah's group, which stimulates maternal love for children and turns that love into hatred and uses them as activists, is really the behavior of God's children. I hope there are no more moms like me.

Feb. 10, 2014 Oh, Mi-hee